Fizzy X fresh
- I have been struggling a lot recently. Every now and then a weird feeling takes a hold of me and makes me feel like there's nothing I truly love in this world. I don't know if it's true but I don't think I was ever able to express my love for things as much as I'd like. Or maybe I just don't love anything at all. I will often see people online or friends becoming ecstatic about a new video game or character, hearing them talk about the things they love with such enthusiasm and love in their voice and eyes makes me so incredibly jealous of those strong feelings that I don't think I ever had. It's gotten to the point where I find it hard to look at discord servers related to things I enjoy. When I see people celebrate something, discussing it, making fanart, patches, figures, expressing their love and enjoyment I feel so angry. I feel angry at myself and I feel angry at them. This feeling is strong that I start shaking, my chest starts to hurt and I start crying in some cases. I don't know why I can't be happy with them. I don't know why I can't join in on the hype. Why I can't jump into conversation. I am trying to push through this feeling and browse these servers anyway as a kind of exposure therapy. I'm hoping I'd be able to interact with others after a while but as of now I'm not sure if it's working as these feelings are still with me every time. I'm not sure if I'm just like that and I will never feel these things as strongly as other people or I haven't found my "thing" yet.
- Not that long ago my bf brought up a character that I really liked and asked me why I like her. I wasn't able to say anything. I couldn't provide an answer to a simple question of why I like something. He then went on to describe all the things that I wasn't able to put into words. The feelings I felt in that moment were a mess of sadness, anger, jealousy, confusion. I'm still not able to fully grasp what I felt in that moment.
- That conversation with my bf gave me the idea to make this list. If I struggle with describing exactly why I enjoy things I thought I would make a list of these things and write out at least 3 reasons why I like them. I was thinking about this idea for a few days and thought that maybe I will find some new appreciation for the things I enjoy. In the best case scenario I might even learn to love these things instead of just liking them, but I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to feel such strong emotions about media or characters even if I so desperately want to experience that and would do literally anything to see what it's like. Even if that doesn't happen looking at this list might help me whenever those awful feelings come back again. Or it will make me feel worse by reminding me I'll never love these things as much as other people are able to. But I will find out in time.
- I was very hesitant to write this out. This is a very personal issue that I've only shared with my closest friends but this page doesn't get a lot of traction anyway. I don't mind turning it into a place to keep my thoughts. Maybe writing them out in this way will help me understand myself better. - 20.08.2024
- Here's a list of things and characters that I like. It's not organized in any way and all the things on it are in random order. This list is made mostly for myself but maybe you'll get something out of it too.
Below is some context as to why I'm making this. I put it in the scrollable text box because It's a bit long and I didn't want it to take up the majority of this page. It's also a bit personal so if you don't feel like reading it just scroll to the next section.
Night in the Woods
Old sketches from 2017. I sketched out characters and moments as I was playing the game for the first time.
I first played NITW right when it came out in 2017. I bought it after watching the first episode of JackSepticEyes let's play of it. I still remember my mom being kind of angry at me for buying a video game becuase for most of my life my family just treated games as something that you can always find a free download of on the internet. I really don't regret buying it back then though. Since then I completed a couple playthroughs and tried to 100% the game but eventually gave up.
Rainy Day
Alec Holowka
-The main character Mae felt incredibly relatable to me even more so after I replayed the game once I got older. Mae dropped out of collage and came back to live with her parents. Despite being in her 20's Mae is still basically a teenager. Because I wasn't accepted to university I attended community collage in my hometown instead which meant I lived with my parents longer than others around me. Despite being 24 as of writing this I still feel like a teenager and I struggle with being fully independent.
-NITW takes place in the town of Possum Springs which reminds me a lot of my own hometown. Both Possum Springs and my hometown are old mining towns where since the closing of mines a lot of people have lost their jobs. People are working out of town or have to accept jobs they hate because they're the closest available ones. Most third places have slowly died out after young people started moving away in search of education or jobs. NITW hit me so hard with this representation of a dying town that was so close to my own hometown.
